Hansa bosbach (@Workinghans), from the Twitter Writing Community, asked me this dreaded question: What does happiness look like to you? I had to think about this one for a while. It hasn't been easy to find my natural voice to write the answer to this. How does one who's lived a terrible life for so long, answer such a question? I've had to rewrite it several times. I hate this fucking question! It's worse than when people ask me where I see myself in five years. I almost blew the most recent interview I did when they asked me that question, because I told them I can't see myself in five years. It hurts my brain to even try. They also asked me: What gets you out of bed in the morning? I have to pee, you fucking twat! And so that sets the tone for how I plan to answer what happiness looks like to me. It doesn't look like anything. I'm just now learning happiness for the first time in my life, and it's so fleeting, it's like chasi...
Five minutes to ten... I think I'm going to come out of my skin if I have to be here one more hour, waiting for that megalomaniac to finish his fucking client! At this point I hate how loud he talks. I hate his celebrity clients that I wish I'd never met, and I hate my position in their world. The phone rings. Probably another entitled prick! I say to myself. Unexpectedly, it's a man's voice on the other line. He's making an appointment for his boss, who works for a major production company. I'd be lying if I said that didn't excite me a little. I've only been living out here for five months, and the place I moved here from is nothing glamorous. Probably never will be. He tells me I'm the nicest person he's talked to all day. I'm not surprised. Many people here freak out on me for shit I think makes me seem ordinary. They can't believe I'm not rail thin with an eating disorder, or that I don't care about dressing to the ...
I help run a barber shop in an odd little suburb of Birmingham Alabama. I never choose a position of management, it just always ends up choosing me. It never works out in the long run. I'm too fair. I care too much. And that wears my soul down. Next to the strip mall our shop is in, there's a motel where people down on their luck pay cheap rent and live in squalor. I see them pass by with their bags of booze and cigarettes. They rarely come in unless they want their hair washed. All they can afford because keeping up with habits ain't cheap. Even the one prostitute who occupies a room there, doesn't make the kind of money that would pay for a cleaner lifestyle. They don't bother me. I've lived on the streets a time or two. And I never put myself above any of them just because I chose to fight harder to get away from homeless life. Yesterday two of them came in. It put my crew on edge, though they were not there to beg, and are not the dangerous kind...
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