90's Telivision Attempts At "Real Life" Script Writing- Part Two: My So-Called Life

  If there's one television series I am haunted by 20+ years after its making, My So-Called Life is that. I know I'm not unique in this experience. I know about the massive campaign that was run to try and save it. I've read the fan pages and the interviews. People want to know what would have happened next. Not only because it had a short 19 episode life, but because it had so much potential for greatness no other of its kind did. Its cancellation left everyone hanging after the creator had only just begun fleshing out these characters and their relationships. Relationships and situations that would have only filled the pages of half a novel were it a book. So it feels like someone tore in half the only copy in existence, and burned the half with all the answers in it. Those questions will never get an answer. Not by the original creator anyway. Oh fine, so two decades go by and she's willing to give us a tiny taste of what was coming next, in an interview. But that's not enough for me. I'll always get to that last scene and be left feeling empty knowing there's nothing more.

 The story centers around Angela Chase. And before I go any further with that, there's a question I'm dying to know the answer to, but have no idea how to word it in Google. Why do so many coming of age stories have dialogue where characters are so often referred to by first and last name? Angela doesn't know another guy named Jordan at her school. Brian Krakow doesn't appear to know another Angela. I forgot to bring it up when I was writing about Dawson's Creek, but they do the same thing, and so do many others. Why does Joey Potter have to say "Dawson Leery" when talking about him to Jen Lindley? How many guys named Dawson could they possibly know? Oh well... moving on.

  My So-Called Life came out four years prior to Dawson's Creek, and I think to a degree, it set a new standard that has given birth to many fictional "real life" TV shows since. But in my opinion, none will ever compare. The reason for that is Angela Chase the character, and Claire Danes who plays her. To be brief as to why I think Angela is such a great character, I'll just say that the writer who brought her to life must have put her own soul in there. Only someone like Angela could write her character so well, because you can't get to know someone like her as an outsider. She's too secretive. She lives almost completely inside her own mind. And to that... only Claire Danes could have played her. She had just barely turned fourteen when they began filming the series (thirteen when the pilot was shot), and her portrayal is so spot on it's hard to believe she's acting from a script. So when Claire decided she didn't want to continue with the series were it to have been picked back up, I suppose I can understand why they couldn't just replace her with someone else. Not saying ABC would have saved it if she had chosen to stay, but maybe another network would have.

  To replace her would be to murder Angela and the kind of person she represents. That complex individual whose dark and brooding nature, needs the subtleties of pastel water colors to paint it with. She is the girl who contemplates the evils of the world while maintaining her own innocence. She sees deep into the nature of others and is still blind to what makes them tick. She is a danger to herself just because of how she naturally views the world, and not because of any external factors.

  Her infatuation with Jordan serves to remind us of how great the imagination is at filling in the blanks. "He's always closing his eyes like it hurts to look at things." is a great example of how she projects the depth of her own mind onto someone who probably has very little depth at all. He's probably leaning against that wall with his eyes closed because he dozed off while standing up.   Maybe he has narcolepsy. A few other characters try to get us to believe Jordan Catalano is smart and just doesn't show it, but in no way does he ever do or say anything that would give this impression. I think the creator might have been wrestling with some guilt there. She doesn't want you to believe it could be possible for someone with such high intellect to be attracted to someone for such obvious exterior reasons. Jordan is a pretty face. He plays the guitar, which makes him a tiny bit more interesting, but then he sings a love song he wrote about his car. I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it. Too bad we'll never get a second season with any real proof!

  "I cannot bring myself to eat a well balanced meal in front of my mother. It just means too much to her. I mean... if you stop to think about like, chewing... what it really is? How people just do it, like... in public."

  I love that Angela gets to be this person who dissects every little thing-- has a brain, and still gets to talk like a teenager. I think it takes a great deal of self-discipline to refrain from spoon feeding the audience what conclusions they should be drawing. Angela doesn't reject anything without thorough examination of the purpose it serves, but she doesn't have to use big words to show her level of intellect. She uses an easy to understand language that comes from a natural, inquisitive place. It's believable. The new friends she makes going into her sophomore year are also believable.

  Rayanne is just the kind of person who would gravitate toward someone like Angela in real life. She's obnoxious and loud, with the need to have someone reflect her greatness back to her, as validation that she's worth the admiration of someone she secretly wishes she was like. And Ricky gets to be the first openly gay teenage character ever depicted in American Primetime TV history, but he doesn't feel forced in there like he's being used for shock value, or to make sure all the bases are being covered. I could really see him being close friends with these girls.

  The show does a good job of letting these kids have parents too. A lot of shows have a hard time keeping the balance and give the kids too much life going on, with parents conveniently out of the picture most of the time, so they can be lazy. My So-Called Life wanted you to be just as involved with the parents as you were with the teens. Of course, Angela's parents get most of the spotlight, but you're never really left wondering what kind of parents everyone has. And every single character is written with a great deal of compassion-- an interest in the truth at the heart of every kind of relationship they depict. It's not just a story centered around the agony of first romantic experiences.
  It goes deep into the struggles of most relationships that might happen in one's lifetime.

  It was a show about all the little deaths that happen as we go on living. The death of a childhood friendship. The slow death of a marriage. The parent/child bond shifting and breaking away-- forcing all parties to let go. It dealt with the complication of sibling love and rejection. Unrequited love, and much, much more. And the ebb and flow of every relationship developed throughout, was believable to me. Including the death of Angela's relationship to Jordan when she reveals that she's not ready for sex.

  Angela: "It's sort of like when you were letting me drive your car... and I loved it. It made me feel really powerful. But also really terrified. Like I wasn't ready for that much freedom."

  But of course, I can't write a whole blog about such a beloved series and not talk about the relationship between Angela and Brian. As with most formulas there's the guy the girl shouldn't be with and the guy we think she should, and this show has its own take on that. Brian and Angela have grown up across the street from each other, but they aren't best friends like Joey and Dawson get to be. Maybe they played together as children, but as teenagers, they don't get along.

  Normally when there's tension of this kind written into a script, there is a stronger push/pull that gives you obvious glimpses of a mutual attraction being denied. But this series didn't do this relationship the shallow injustice of that kind of writing. And for this, above all other relationship quandaries they explore-- I give my utmost respect. Yes, Brian gets to be the unrequited love, but his emotional immaturity prevents him from showing a more appealing side of him to Angela, who truly sees him as a nuisance. There are moments of kindness that pass between them, but they never lead you to believe Angela could ever see him any differently than she does.

  Which is why the last episode is so much more powerful than any other turning point I've seen before. It reveals the truth about what's been missing from Angela's relationship with Jordan. A surprise to even her. It's substance. Being able to have the kind of conversations she could only have with herself. Deep down she's been hoping to reach that depth with Jordan and it's just not there. Not the way it's possible for it to be with Brian. It was a very slow drip leading up to the letter Brian writes, expressing his real feelings, then letting Jordan sign his name to it. My first time watching the season, it hadn't even occurred to me they were heading in that direction because of how cemented Angela's indifference to Brian seems to be, and because you think you're still supposed to be wondering if Angela and Jordan will get back together.

  In the end, she proves to be a girl after my own heart. How powerful a well penned prose can be to us word geeks, as to suddenly change the way we see someone in an instance. Or how we didn't see them as the case may be. But we will never get that kiss that makes it all better in the end, and I'm actually OK with that finally. In a way, not getting what I want the way I always do with all the other TV shows I watch-- kind of preserves the perfection of this cult classic. And that's  kind of like real life too. Some books never get to have that final chapter where everything is sewn up for us, all neat and pretty so we can go on with our lives in peace. I'm not saying I'll no longer be haunted or that my mind will cease crying out for closure. I'm just saying that at this point I'd rather have more of nothing, than to have someone put a chip in this gem with what could only be an unauthentic fan-based ending.

  And now, I'll leave you with some of my favorite quotes...

Angela: "In the dream I keep having about Jordan Catalano, I’m trying to catch up with him. But it’s hard, because there’s something wrong with the floor. Sometimes my father is there. Sometimes my great-aunt Gertrude’s funeral kinda gets mixed in with it. The end of the dream is always the same, I catch up with him. I yell and scream, how he hurt and betrayed me. How I can never forgive him. He just stands there, like someone caught in a storm who stopped caring how wet he gets. Then I wake up. The storm of words still pounds through my body. Hatred can become, like, food. It gives you this energy. You can, like, live off it."

Angela: "Each card has a name. The magician, the Empress, The Fool, The Wheel of Fortune, Strength…They represent challenges and tests. Twists of fate. No card is all good or all bad. Cards can be positive or negative, depending on where they fall. When you read someone’s future, they must think of a question. They must hold it in their mind. The cards are read in sequence. Each card leads to the next. We move from terror and loss to unexpected good fortune. And out of darkness, hope is born."

Angela: "Sometimes, someone says something really small, and it just fits into this empty place in your heart..." 

Brian: "I became yearbook photographer because I liked the idea that I could sort of watch life without having to be part of it. But when you're yearbook photographer, you're, like, never in the picture."

Brian's Letter: Dear Angela,
I know in the past I’ve caused you pain, and I’m sorry. And I’ll always be sorry, ’til the day I die. And I hate this pen I’m holding, because I should be holding you. I hate this paper under my hand, because it isn’t you. I even hate this letter, because it’s not the whole truth. Because the whole truth is…so much more than a letter can even say. If you wanna hate me, go ahead. If you wanna burn this letter, do it. You could burn the whole world down. You could tell me to go to hell…I’d go, if you wanted me to. And I’d send you a letter from there.
Sincerely, Jordan Catalano